this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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