you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
