I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
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