im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
