i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Randomize
