I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
