Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize