HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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