I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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