And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
