Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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