So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
