we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
