so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My vagina is officially offended.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Oh god it's open bar.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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