How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
