i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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