I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
