I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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