haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
