If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
