i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
