My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There's always time for handjobs
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
