It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
