She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
