The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
