3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
