I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize