I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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