This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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