My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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