So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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