drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
