Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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