At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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