I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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