These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
