Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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