the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
