I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Mom said you looked used
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
