i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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