Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
