she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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