Your face is a jimmy john
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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