Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize