so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
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