You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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