I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
