Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
