I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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