Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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