Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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