oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
