He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
