i permit you to call me
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
