no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
