I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
