hotel room ftw
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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