Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
