no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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