evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
