I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
