I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
